E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram,
Punch, or the London Charivari,
Sandra Brown,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 153.
September 12th, 1917.
CHARIVARIA.
The Cologne Gazette is of the opinion that the Americantroops, when they arrive in France, will be hampered by theirignorance of the various languages. But we understand that theAmericans can shoot in any language.
A weekly periodical is giving away a bicycle every other week.Meanwhile The Daily Telegraph continues to give away aKaiser every day.
"I decline to have anything to do with the War," said aConscientious Objector to a North of England magistrate, "and Iresent this interference with my liberty." Indeed he is said to beso much annoyed that he intends sending the War Office a jollysnappy letter about it.
CHARLIE CHAPLIN says a gossip writer is coming to England in theAutumn. This disposes of the suggestion that arrangements werebeing made for England to be taken over to him.
Incidentally we notice that CHARLIE CHAPLIN has become anaturalised American, with, we presume, permission to use the rankof Honorary Britisher.
Before a Northern Tribunal an applicant stated that he wasengaged in the completion of an invention which would enable dumbpeople to speak or signal with perfection. He was advised, however,to concentrate for a while on making certain Germans say"Kamerad."
An Isle of Wight man has succeeded in growing a vegetable marrowwhich weighs forty-three pounds. To avoid its being mistaken forthe island he has scratched his name and address on it.
Those in search of a tactless present will bear in mind that Mr.MARK HAMBOURG has written a book entitled "How to Play thePiano."
The great flagstaff at Kew Gardens, which weighs 18 tons and is215 feet long, is not to be erected until after the War. This hascome as a great consolation to certain people who had feared thetwo events would clash.
In Mid Cheshire there is a scarcity of partridges, but there isplenty of other game in Derbyshire. The Mid-Cheshire birds are ofthe opinion that this cannot be too strongly advertised.
Thirteen years after it was posted at Watford a postcard hasjust reached an Ealing lady inviting her to tea, and of course sherightly protested that the tea was cold.
An estate near Goole has been purchased for £118,000, thepurchaser having decided not to carry out his first intention ofinvesting that amount in a couple of boxes of matches.
Herr Erzberger is known among his friends as "The SingingSocialist." We are afraid however that if he wants peace he willhave to whistle for it.
The Provisional Government in Russia, according to TheEvening News, has "always regarded an international debate onthe questions of war and pease as useful." But our Government, notbeing exactly provisional, prefers to go on giving the enemybeans.
COMFORTING THOUGHTWhen there are no taxis on your return from