Punch, or the London Charivari
Volume 105, November 18th 1893
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
"THE PAPER OF THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW."
[In one of the magazines an entirearticle has been transmitted to theoffice, not by the post, but by mentalsuggestion.—News paragraph.]
SCENE—Editor's Room of "TheMental Mirror of the Universe."TIME—An hour beforepublication. Editor and Chief-Sub.discovered in consultation.
Editor. Dear me, Mr. Payste,this is very annoying! Debate onAfrica in the House to-night, andour leader-writer has sent in nocopy! Why did you not communicatewith me?
Chief-Sub. Well, Sir, as youwere dining with the Duke, I didnot like to disturb you, especiallyas I had arranged matters. Ihave got some one else to knockoff the article.
Ed. Very good, and where doesit come from?
Chief-Sub. I turned on thementophone and found Lord Macaulaydisengaged.
Ed. Of course he writes smartlyenough, but I should have thoughthe was scarcely sufficiently well-upin the subject.
Chief-Sub. So he said, Sir: sowe applied to Sir Walter Raleigh,who has sent in a goodcolumn.
Ed. His English, I am afraid,is a trifle old-fashioned.
Chief Sub. Well, yes, Sir; alittle. But I gave it to one ofour subs. who has made blackletter a study, and between themthey have turned out a very decentleader. Sorry to say the wirehas broken down between Londonand the seat of the war, so wehave no despatches.
Ed. Distinctly annoying! However,I think I can put myself incommunication with our special.(Takes a pen in his right hand,and commences writing.) Well,what next?
Chief Sub. But shall I not disturbyou?
Ed. Not at all; my right handis in sympathy with Longbow,so I need not pay any attentionto what he is sending us until hegets to the end of his copy.Everything else right?
Chief Sub. I think I may ventureto say "Yes," Sir. Mrs.Covers, who does our reviews,has neglected to send in her stuff,but I have used the mentophoneagain in that case. Put onCharles Lamb. And I thinkthat's all, save, as there is aletter about the authorship ofHamlet, I have got WilliamShakspeare to answer it himself.And now, Sir, I wouldsuggest that, as we are ratherfull up this evening, you mightconclude that dispatch as quicklyas possible.
Ed. My hand has just donewriting. (Gives copy to ChiefSub.) Anything worth a line forthe bill?
Chief Sub. (after perusal).Well, yes, Sir. I find there hasbeen a battle, so we may as wellgive that.
Ed. Everything right now?
Chief Sub. Everything, Sir.
Ed. Well, now you can senddown the paper to press as soon asyou please. (Exit Chief Sub. tocarry out directions.) Dear me! Itreally simplifies matters considerablywhen waves of thought willdo as well as the electric telegraph.
[The Curtain falls upon the Editor'svery natural reflection.
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