DREAM WORLD
By R. A. LAFFERTY
Illustrated by GAUGHAN
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Galaxy Magazine June 1962.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
It was the awfullest dream in the
world, no doubt about it. In fact, it
seemed to be the only dream there was!
He was a morning type, so it was unusual that he should feel depressedin the morning. He tried to account for it, and could not.
He was a healthy man, so he ate a healthy breakfast. He was not toodepressed for that. And he listened unconsciously to the dark girl withthe musical voice. Often she ate at Cahill's in the mornings with hergirl friend.
Grape juice, pineapple juice, orange juice, apple juice ... why didpeople look at him suspiciously just because he took four or five sortsof juice for breakfast?
"Agnes, it was ghastly. I was built like a sack. A sackful of skunkcabbage, I swear. And I was a green-brown color and had hair like alatrine mop. Agnes, I was sick with misery. It just isn't possible foranybody to feel so low. I can't shake it at all. And the whole worldwas like the underside of a log. It wasn't that, though. It wasn't justone bunch of things. It was everything. It was a world where thingsjust weren't worth living. I can't come out of it...."
"Teresa, it was only a dream."
Sausage, only four little links for an order. Did people think he was aglutton because he had four orders of sausage? It didn't seem like verymuch.
"My mother was a monster. She was a wart-hoggish animal. And yet shewas still recognizable. How could my mother look like a wart-hog andstill look like my mother? Mama's pretty!"
"Teresa, it was only a dream. Forget it."
The stares a man must suffer just to get a dozen pancakes on his plate!What was the matter with people who called four pancakes a tall stack?And what was odd about ordering a quarter of a pound of butter? It wasbetter than having twenty of those little pats each on its coaster.
"Agnes, we all of us had eyes that bugged out. And we stank! We werebloated, and all the time it rained a dirty green rain that smelledlike a four letter word. Good grief, girl! We had hair all over uswhere we weren't warts. And we talked like cracked crows. We hadcrawlers. I itch just from thinking about it. And the dirty parts ofthe dream I won't even tell you. I've never felt so blue in my life. Ijust don't know how I'll make the day through."
"Teresa, doll, how could a dream upset you so much?"
There isn't a thing wrong with ordering three eggs sunny-side up, andthree over easy, and three poached ever so soft, and six of themscrambled. What law says a man should have all of his eggs fixed alike?Nor is there anything wrong with ordering five cups of coffee. That waythe girl doesn't have to keep running over with refills.
Bascomb Swicegood liked to have bacon and waffles after the egginterlude and the earlier courses. But he was nearly at the end of hisbreakfast when he jumped up.
"What did she say?"
He was surprised at the violence of his own voice.
"What did who say, Mr. Swicegood?"
"The girl that was just here, that just left with the