Let others read the "latest news"
Our daily papers offer,
Take pleasure in the smart reviews
And chuckle with the scoffer,
Enjoy the leaders, or appraise
The newest "Labour Crisis,"
Or smile to learn, that Brighton A's
Maintain their recent prices.
I only find such trifles vex,
I do not seek instruction
Upon the blemishes which X.
Perceives in Y.'s production,
And stocks may fall like anything,
They'll not affect my fate, or
Compel less cheerfully to sing
This vacuus viator.
The reason why I daily make
My sacrifice of pennies,
Is merely for a column's sake
Which scarce, perhaps, for men is,
And yet it elevates, refines,
It stirs the noblest passions,
That article whose moving lines
Are headed "Latest Fashions."
What joy to ascertain in print
The latest mode in dresses,
To learn the new artistic tint
Adopted by Princesses,
To roam the galleries with her
Whose eulogies and strictures
To hats and dress alone refer,
And never deal with pictures!
Let troubles still oppress the State
With all their usual rigour,
Let politicians still debate
With undiminished vigour,
Of such the common person reads,
But give to me the papers
That chronicle at length the deeds
Of milliners and drapers!
(By a University Extensionist.)
Dear Mr. Punch,—What a charming littletheatre that is at Burlington House! I missedyou at the matinées there a few days ago. Ofcourse you know the Travelling ProvincialCompany of the Universities' Guild for theExtension of High-Class Comedy? Well,they visited the Metropolis for their coming-of-age,and gave the new extravaganza ofHodge, B. Sc., or The Vision of Peers andthe Plowman. This had nothing to do withJupiter, LL. D., though no fewer than threenoble Chancellors took a leading part at thedifferent performance. After all it wasnothing but a dished-up version of the oldplay of Gentleman Geordie, or The CulturedCollier; only the pitman business is a littleplayed out, and the victim of AgriculturalEnlightment is just now the vogue, thanks tothe County Councils.
But what interest, you will say, can thisweary work have for "the young person" (isnot that the phrase?). Why should Etheland I and the other country cousins, who areup to have a good time, waste our preciousmoments on University Extension, when theymight have been given to the galleries, or,better still, to the shops? Dear Mr. Punch,you will not betray my confidence and printmy real name, will you, if I tell you thereason? I do so in the hope that you willuse your great and good influence to supportour claim for State aid in a matter deeply interestingus girls in the provinces.
I have always thought that the mostimportant object of University Extensionhas been overlooked. It certainl