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I can't sleep.

I should go simply potty lying down andtrying to get quiet and peaceful.

I'm going to write down all the absolutelymad, freakish things that have happened to-night,and hope that in doing so I shall perceivesome sane and feasible method of escape.

Diaries are useful sometimes; they keep yournerves from going absolutely to pieces with thesheer unexpectedness of life.

Dad and mater were in a particularly horridmood this evening. The C.O. had complainedabout the Y.M.C.A. hut in the camp, orsomething, and dinner was filthy, so the usual mutualrecriminations took place. Rows always makeme feel so frightfully sick. I've never enjoyeda really proper one, because I've always had torun away in the middle and be ill, and then ofcourse I never feel equal to coming back andfinishing it.

I don't think any of the shabby Tommies'wives who come over on the paddle steamer onSundays to visit their husbands at the camplive such a petty, sordid life as we do in ourdiggings.

I hate dad when he gets red and shouts—Isimply have to beat a retreat. I can quiteunderstand why the men are in such a fearfulfunk of him. I have been terrified and appalledby him all my life, such is his effect on mytemperament that I could do or say anythingwhen he loses control and goes for me, tell anychildish lies or make any excuses. My moralsense positively ceases to exist.

I crept from them to-night and went for awalk by the sea.

I am not afraid of the dark. I enjoy it. Youcan think so awfully well when there is nothingto distract your eyes, and the world feels sospacious after our digs.

All my life I have felt there was never quiteenough room for the three of us, dad, and themater, and myself. I believe if we lived inSt. Paul's together I should still feelovercrowded.

I walked for a long time. It was a toppingnight, the air was as soft and warm ascotton-wool and the moon was on the sea. It was thesort of night that makes you want to do afrightful lot of good in the world, mother a lotof orphans or marry a man from St. Dunstan's.I could have cried because there was such a lotof sorrow and unhappiness in the world. Youdo feel like that sometimes out of doors

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