PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 105.
October 14, 1893.
DIVERSE AIMS.
(Early Morning.)
The Curate. "Yes, it's a lovely Morning, Trencherman;just the sort to give one an Appetite for Breakfast."
Farmer Trencherman. "Ah! A Happitite for yer Breakfast,Sir. Now there's the difference, yer see. I be come outfur to get a Breakfast for my Happitite!"
"DUE SOUTH."
A Trip round "the Island," and back to P'm'th.
Happy Thought (on board crowded steamboat).—"Obstinacy isthe best policy." The obstinate man won't move, and won't speak,except in monosyllables; he won't budge one inch for anybody;he puts everybody in a worse temper than everybody was before,and, in the end, he wins. To the credit of the obstinate man be itsaid that "he knows how to keep his place," and does keep it too.
A kind of second-rate sporting bookmaker, with sandy whiskersand dirty hands, who has secured a corner seat near me, smokes likea chimney, and the chimney, his pipe, ought to have been swept andcleaned out long ago. Also he seems quite unable to take five whiffswithout prolific expectoration. From experience I believe he willbe visited by the steward, and told not to smoke. I am awaitingthis with malicious anticipation of pleasure. I am disappointed. Ajunior steward, of whom I make the inquiry in heating of the objectionablefumigator, replies that "Smoking is allowed here, but notabaft." Thanks, very much. The sandy-whiskered man won't go"abaft," wherever that is. Perhaps he will presently. After atime, when it becomes a bit rougher, he disappears. No doubt hehas gone "abaft." Let him stay there.
"The Needles."—Why needles? There's no more point in thename than there is to the rocks.
Opposite Freshwater it very naturally commences to be a bitfreshish; some people in the forepart are getting very wet; thereis a stampede; it is still fresher and rougher; but I have everyconfidence in the Captain, who, as I observe, is negligently standingon the bridge, deliberately cracking specimens of that greatdelicacy the early filbert, or it may be the still earlier walnut.
Happy Thought.—There can be no danger when the Captain isengaged in cracking nuts as if they were so many jokes.
Splashing and ducking have commenced freely. The waves dothe splashing, and the people on board do the ducking.
There are those who look ill and keep well; and others who lookwell at first, but who turn all sorts of colours within a quarter ofan hour, struggle gallantly, and succumb; children lively, butgradually collapsing, lying about doubled up helplessly; comfortable,comely matrons who came on board neat and tidy, now horridlyuncomfortable, and quite reckless of appearance. Here, too,is the uncertain sailor, who considers it safer to remain seated, andwho, at the end of the voyage, is surprised to find himself inperfect health.
Sighting Ventnor.—The man "who knows everything" informs usthat this is Bonchurch, which information a man with a book has ofcourse felt himself bound to correct. The latter tells us that it isa place called Underclif