PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 103.
December 3, 1892.
THE MAN WHO WOULD.
III.—THE MAN WHO WOULD GET ON.
"I dreamed," said the Scotch Professor, "that I was strugglingfor dear life with a monstrous reptile, whose scaly coils wound aboutmy body, while the extremity of his own was lost in the distance.At last I managed to shake myself free, and setting my foot on hisneck, I was preparing to cut his throat, when the animal looked upat me with an appealing expression, and said, 'At least you mightgive me a testimonial!'"
This professional nightmare (for the labours of a Scotch instructorconsist, to a great extent, in writing testimonials, or in evading requestsfor them), suggested to one of his audience the history ofSaunders McGregor, the Man who would Get on. In boyhood,Saunders obtained an exhibition, or bursary, to the University ofSt. Mungo's. This success implied no high degree of scholarship, forthe benefice was only open to persons of the surname of McGregor,and the Christian-name of Saunders. The provident parents of ourhero, having accidentally become aware of this circumstance, had theiroffspring christened Saunders, and thus secured, from the very first,an opening for the young man.
At St. Mungo's, Saunders was mainly notable for a generous viewof life, which enabled him to look on the goods of others as practicallycommon among Christians. A pipe of his own he somehow possessed,but tobacco and lights he invariably borrowed, also golf-balls, postage-stamps,railway fares, books, caps, gowns, and similar trifles; while hisnature was so social, that he invariably dropped in to supper with one orother of his companions. The accident of being left alone for a few momentsin the study of our Examiner, where Saunders deftly possessedhimself of a set of examination-papers, enabled him to take his degreewith an ease and brilliance which very considerably astonished hisinstructors. By adroitly using his good fortune, Saunders accumulateda pile of most egregious testimonials, and these he regarded as the mainspringof success in life. He had early discovered in himself a singular capacity for drawingsalaries, and as he had unbounded conceit and unqualified ignorance,he conceived himself to be fit for any post in life to which a salaryis attached. He had also really great gifts as a crampon, or hanger-on,and neglected no opportunity, while he made many, of securinguseful acquaintances. Thus it was the custom of his college toelect, at stated periods, a man of eminence as Rector. Saundersat once constituted himself secretary of a committee, and, withoutconsulting his associates, wrote invitations to eminent politicians,poets, painters, actors, editors, clergymen, and other people much inthe public eye. In these effusions he poured forth the innocententhusiasm of his heart, expressing an admiration which mightseem excessive to all but its objects. They, with the guilelessness ofmature age and conscious merit, were touched by Saunders'sexpressions of esteem, which they set down to hero-worship, and afervent study of Mr. Carlyle's works. Only one of the personsaddressed, unluckily, could be elected;