PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 150.
April 12th, 1916.
Junior Sub. "The Colonel says will you dismiss the parade, Sir?"
Newly-mounted Captain. "Confound it! Do it yourself, Smith. I'm busy riding."
CHARIVARIA.
We are in a position to state that the efficiency of Germany's newsubmersible Zeppelins has been greatly exaggerated.
Many schemes for coping with our £2,100,000,000 War indebtedness arebefore the authorities, and at least one dear old lady has writtensuggesting that they should hold a bazaar.
It is stated that the monkey market at Constantinople, which forhundreds of years has supplied the baboons found in Turkish harems, hasclosed down. German competition is said to be responsible for theincident.
The Government's indifference to the balloon type of aircraft hasreceived a further illustration. They have rejected Highgate's fatconscript.
German scientists are now making explosives out of heather. Fortunatelythe secret of making Highlanders out of the same material still remainsin our hands.
Deference to one's superiors in rank is all very well up to a point, butwe should never go so far as to allow an article by a titledwar-correspondent to be headed "The Great Offensive at Verdun."
British songsters, says a writer in The Daily Chronicle, are now beingillegally used to regale the wealthy gourmets of the West End in placeof the foreign varieties, which can no longer be imported. Forourselves, who are nothing if not British, we are glad of any sign thatnative musicians are coming by their own.
The practice of interning travellers in Tube and other stations duringthe progress of Zeppelin raids on the North-East Coast having becomeextremely popular, it is suggested that some much-needed revenue mightbe obtained by imposing a small tax—a penny, say, per hour—upon thosewho thus enjoy the protection and hospitality of our railways.
It is officially announced that Oxford is to have no more RhodesKolossals.
Lord Robert Cecil admitted in Parliament last week that the contrabandlist is to be enlarged, and it is rumoured that, notwithstanding theserious effect the step may have in the United States and elsewhere, thelist will be extended to include munitions of war.
A prominent City barber points out to an Evening News correspondentthat it would be most unfortunate if the high cost of shaves shouldresult in a discontinuance of the practice of tipping the operator, andadds that only two of the services have increased in price. He means, ofcourse, to draw attention to the fact that sporting chatter, dislocationof the neck, and the removal of superfluous portions of the ears arestill provided free of charge.
Anti-Climax.
From a feuilleton (showing what our serial fictionists have to put upwith):—
"'To-morrow?' repeated Rosalie, dully. 'I'm afraid I can'tto-morrow.'
To-morrow——!
There will be another fine instalment to-morrow."—DailyMirror.
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