Punchinello, Vol. 1. No. 20, August 13, 1870
PUNCHINELLO
SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 1870.
PUBLISHED BY THE
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,
83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.
AN ADAPTATION.
BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.
CHAPTER XII.
FOR THE BEST.
Miss CAROWTHERS'S educational hotbed of female innocence was about toundergo desolation by the temporary dispersal of its intellectual budsand blossoms to their native soils, therefrom to fill home-atmosphereswith the mental fragrance of "all the branches." Holiday Week drew near,when, as Miss CAROWTHERS Ritually expressed it, "all who were truebelievers of the American Church of England in their hearts would softlycelebrate the devout Yearly Festival of Apostolic Christianity, bydecking the Only True Church with symbolical evergreens over placeswhere the paint was scratched off, and receiving New Year's Callswithout intoxicating liquors." In honor of this approaching solemnseason of peace on earth, good will to young men, the discipline ofMacassar Female College was slightly relaxed: Bible-studies were nolonger rigorously inflicted as a punishment for criminal absence of allpunctuation from English Composition, and any Young Lady whose fatherwas good pay could actually sneeze in her teacup without being lockedinto her own room on bread-and-water until she was truly penitent forher sin and wished she was a Christian. Consequently, an air of unusuallicense pervaded the Alms-House; woman's rights meetings were held atthe heads of stairways to declare, that, whereas MARY AMANDA PARKINSON'Smale second-cousin has promised to meet her at the railroad station, andthereby made her pretend to us that the letter was from her father, whenall the time ANN LOUISA BAKER accidentally caught sight of the words "MyPrecious MOLLY" while looking for her scissors in the wrong drawer, andtherefore, be it Resolved, that we wish he knew about one shoulder beinga little higher than the other, (as she knows the dressmaker toldher,) and about that one red whisker under the left hand corner of herchin which she might as well stop trying to keep cut off; darkassemblages resembling walking lobsters were convened in specialdormitories at night, to compare brothers and tell how they Byronicallysaid that they never should care for women again after what they hadsacrificed for them in the horse-cars without so much as a "Thank you,sir," but if they ever could be brought to liking a girl now, it wouldbe on account of her not pretending to care for anything but money and ahusband's early grave; and very white parties of pleasure were organizedin the halls, at ghostly hours, to go down to the cupboard for amince-pie under pretense of hearing burglars, and subsequently to drinkthe mince-pie from curl-papers, accompanied by whispers of "H'sh! don'teat the crust so loud, or Miss CAROWTHERS 'll think it's a man."
In addition to these signs of impending freedom, trunks were packed inthe rooms, with an adeptness of getting in things with springs twice aswide as any trunk, and of laying cologne-bottles, fans, and brushes,between objects with ruffles so as t