PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Volume 93
December 17th 1887
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY, M.P.
From the Minister to Persia.
Dear Toby,
I am, as you will understand, so busy in my preparations for departure,that I fear I may not find time to call upon you, p.p.c., andtherefore take up my pen to write these few lines, hoping they will findyou well, as they leave me at present. It is an odd reflection to onewho has reached my time of life, that henceforward sixteen-shillingtrousers shall have no more interest for me. Already, in the privacy ofmy room, I don the flowing robes of the East, and sit by the hour as yousee me in a little sketch I have had made, and beg your acceptanceherewith. It is all very strange to me yet. As Gr-nd-lph says, it is theoddest thing in the world that the Ark and I, after much tossing aboutin troublous waters, should finally settle down in the neighbourhood ofArarat. If I had had my choice, I would not have gone so far afield. Thewise men, you know, come from the East, they do not go there; at least,not further than Constantinople, which would have suited me admirably.Rome I have eyed askance. I could have dressed the part for St.Petersburg. Berlin would not have been bad; and I feel that I was bornfor Paris. But the Markiss of course has his way, and he has mapped mineout for Teheran.
It is odd to reflect (and as I sit here trying to grow accustomed to thehookah, I feel in a reflective mood) that if Br-dl-gh had not beenelected for Northampton in 1880, I would never have been Her Majesty'sMinister at the Court of the Shah. Do you remember the night, nearlyeight years gone, when I jumped up from my seat below the Gangway andphysically barred Br-dl-gh's passage up the House? In the loose wayhistory is written, Gr-nd-lph gets the credit of incubating the FourthParty. But if it had not been for me, that remarkable cohort would neverhave existed, and the history of English politics for the last sevenyears would have been written differently. Gr-nd-lph was actually not inthe House when I created the Br-dl-gh difficulty. Three weeks earlier,on Br-dl-gh's first presenting himself, Freddy C-v-nd-sh had moved for aSelect Committee to consider his claim to make affirmation. St-ff-rdN-rthc-te had seconded the hum-drum motion, the Committee was agreed to,and there the matter ended. When Gr-sv-n-r moved to nominate theCommittee, I came to the front, was snubbed by H-lk-r at the instance ofour respected Leaders, but stuck to it then and after, till presently,the Conservative Party, seeing the advantage, came round to my view andpoor St-ff-rd N-rthc-te had to eat his words. Gr-nd-lph came on thefield and the ball was set rolling; but it was I who gave it the firstkick.
And now behold me solemn, sedate, responsible, the Representative of thegreatest of Western Powe