PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 150.
FEBRUARY 9, 1916.
Tommy. "'Ere, Ted, what's the matter?"
Ted (ex-plumber). "Wy, I'm goin' back for me baynet, o' course."
CHARIVARIA.
The German claim that as the resultof the Zeppelin raid "England's industryto a considerable extent is inruins" is probably based on the factthat three breweries were bombed. Tothe Teuton mind such a catastrophemight well seem overwhelming.
A possible explanation of the Government'saction in closing the Museumsis furnished by the Cologne Gazette,which observes that "if one wantedto find droves of Germans in Londonone had only to go to the museums."But if the Government is closingthem merely for purposes of disinfectionit might let us know.
Irritated by the pro-German conversationof one of the guests at anAmerican dinner-party the Englishbutler poured the gravy over him.The story is believed to have greatlyannoyed the starving millionaires inBerlin. They complain that their exiledfellow-countrymen get all the luck.
Is the Office of Works feeding Germany?We have lately learned thatno bulbs are to be planted in theLondon parks this season; and almostsimultaneously we read in the FrankfurterZeitung a suggestion that, asbulbs are so cheap owing to the falling-offin the English demand, they shouldbe used as food by the German housewife.What has Mr. Harcourt tosay about this?
Mr. Ted Heaton, a noted Liverpoolswimmer, is acting as sergeant-instructorto the Royal Fusiliers atDover, and is expected to have themin a short time quite ready for thetrenches.
A London magistrate has ruled thatpoker is a game of chance. He wasevidently unacquainted with the leadingcase in America, where, on thesame point arising, the judge, thecounsel and the parties adjourned for aquiet game, and the defendant triumphantlydemonstrated that it was agame of skill.
In an article describing the wondersof modern French surgery Mrs. W.K.Vanderbilt mentioned that she hadwatched an operation in which a partof a man's rib was taken out and usedas a jawbone. "Pooh!" said the much-marriedgeneral practitioner who readit, "that's as old as Adam."
A man who applied recently to beenlisted in the Royal Flying Corps asa carpenter was medically rejected becausehe had a hammer toe. If hehad lost a nail we could have understoodit.
The following letter has been receivedby the matron of an Indian hospital:—
"Dear and fair Madam,-I have muchpleasure to inform you that my dearly unfortunatewife will be no longer under your care,she having left this world for the next on the27th ult. For your help in this matter Ishall ever remain grateful.Yours reverently, ——."
A correspondent, anxious aboutetiquette, writes:—"Sir,—The other